Top 10 Kickass Movies I’ll Never Watch Again
We’ve all seen movies we just thought, wow, that was badass. Then after thinking about the movie for a while realize that it was really just a piece of crap or that it was so good we’ll never watch it again. Well, here are my top ten movies that I thought were completely badass, but I’ll never watch again.
10. The Sixth Sense
What it’s about: A child psychologist, Malcolm Crowe (Bruce Willis), is visited one night by an ex-patient named Vincent Gray who he failed to help. Angry and enraged, Vincent shoots Crowe in the stomach, then kills himself. Months later, Crowe is visited by a 9-year old boy named Cole who has the same problems Vincent had. Crowe sees a chance to redeem himself, but Cole insists that he sees ghosts who don’t know they’re dead.
Why I’ll never watch it again: Once I saw the end of the movie, I felt no need to watch the film again. It also left many questions. How did he not know he was dead? Yes, he saw what he wanted to see, but he never noticed people not paying attention to him or that he doesn’t ever get hungry or thirsty? What about when he takes his shirt off, do the other ghosts not look at him weird? And why does Cole get scared of every ghost but Crowe?
9. American History X
What it’s about: A Neo-Nazi skinhead named Derek Vinyard is sentenced to prison for three–yes three–years in prison for the murder of two black men who tried to steal his truck. When he is free, he is a changed man. His younger brother Daniel is now on the brink of becoming a Neo-Nazi. Derek tries to save Daniel from a similar fate.
Why I’ll never watch it again: At the beginning of the film when Derek kills one of the men, you hear a crunch. Yes, a crunch. I then missed the rest of the movie while vomiting in the bathroom for three straight days. When I was finally able to watch the rest, a great movie took place. But, I heard the crunch. Also, the director and Ed Norton are complete dicks. The director wanted to continue filming and change the film entirely, but the producers wouldn’t allow it. After filming had finished, Ed Norton made demands of adding more of him into the film. Although it worked out for the best, it was a dick move.
8. What Dreams May Come
What it’s about: The film focuses on a man (Robin Williams) loses his children in a car accident and later loses his own while trying to save another man’s life. His wife goes into deep depression and decides to commit suicide. Robin Williams then must save her soul.
Why I’ll never watch it again: The movie is sad beyond means with romance trickled in. If I wanted to go through depression because of a movie I’d watch Titanic. That, and the scary hell arms.
7. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
What it’s about: R.P. McMurphy (Jack Nicholson) pretends to be insane, but the plan backfires and is put into an asylum. He makes a friend, but causes problems for the entire staff, especially Mrs. Ratched. At conclusion, his problem causing ways are put to an end by “other means.”
Why I’ll never watch it again: Since watching the film I have not looked at mental institutions the same way. I felt for McMurphy and wanted to save him from Mrs. Ratched. Maybe I’m just as bad as him.
6. The Last Samurai
What it’s about: A Civil War veteran, Captain Nathan Algren (Tom Cruise), trains the Emperor’s troops to use modern weapons as they prepare to defeat the nations last samurai. Algren is captured by the samurai and learns about their customs and code of honor.
Why I’ll never watch it again: Besides the fact that Tom Cruise annoys the hell out of me, this film is almost a complete ripoff of Dances With Wolves. The film is not only historically inaccurate (the Prussians assisted the Japanese in modernizing their weapons), but also would have been ten-thousand-gillion times better without Tom Cruise’s character.
5. A Clockwork Orange
What it’s about: A gang of teenagers in futuristic Britain go on rampages at night, raping and beating victims. After one man, Alex, quells an uprising, the gang kicks him out and leaves him for the police. Alex agrees to “aversion therapy” to shorten his sentence. After his sentence has ended, he hates violence, but the rest of his former gang are out to kill him.
Why I’ll never watch it again: The film shows the brutal rampages, making any normal human being feel ill. So the police do the same to Alex. Each time he sees violence or thinks violence he gets ill. To do this, Alex is strapped to a chair and forced to watch gory acts repeatedly after taking a special pill that causes him to get sick as he is forced to watch the films. After his prison sentence he is confronted by violent men, whom he is unable to protect himself against since he feels sick. Alex is unable to think or live his life as a normal human being. So what am I getting at? I felt sympathy for a murderer and rapist.
4. The Big Lebowski
What it’s about: “The Dude” Lebowski (Jeff Bridges) is mistaken for a millionaire Lebowski by a pair of criminals. In hope for Lebowski to repay him for a carpet the two thugs peed on, “The Dude” heads to Lebowski’s mansion. “The Dude” accepts Lebowski’s offer of a one-time job and enlists his bowling buddy, Walter (John Goodman), for help. The two find themselves in the middle of a kidnapping scandal which could involve everyone from porn empire tycoons to nihilists.
Why I’ll never watch it again: I don’t smoke pot. Even if I did, I don’t think there is enough mary-jane in the world for this movie.
3. Pan’s Labyrinth
What it’s about: In 1944 fascist Spain, a young girl is sent along with her pregnant mother to live with her stepfather, a captain of the Spanish army. During the night, she meets with a fairy who takes her to an old faun in the center of the labyrinth. The faun tells her she is a princess, but must prove her royalty by surviving three gruesome tasks.
Why I’ll never watch it again: The faun still gives me nightmares. The overall story grips me into wondering if the girl is insane or special. Who knows, maybe she is both.
2. Mr. Brooks
What it’s about: Earl Brooks (Kevin Costner) is a respected businessman who was recently named Portland’s Man of the Year. However, he has a secret: he is a serial killer known as the Fingerprint Killer. He has been keeping his murders under control by attending AA meetings for the past two years, but now his alter ego, Marshall, has re-appeared and is pushing him to kill again. When he finally does, he is seen and photographed by another man (Dane Cook) who also has a murder fetish.
Why I’ll never watch it again: The movie humanizes Mr. Brooks in a way that makes I sympathized for him. Not only was I rooting for Marshall to go away, but I was also rooting for Mr. Brooks not to get caught.
1. The Birdcage
What it’s about: Armand Goldman (Robin Williams) owns a popular drag nightclub in South Miami Beach called The Birdcage. His son, Val, comes home to announce his engagement to Barbara Keely, daughter of a US Senator. The Senator’s family descends upon South Beach to meet with Val and his father and “mother.”
Why I’ll never watch it again: It is a big gay, homosexual, banana in the butt movie. And I enjoyed it. Enough said.
Justin
July 24, 2008 @ 8:06 am
Great post. I can definately relate to Pan, Samurai, and what dreams may come. You are stunned by the movie in the short term, but wow, they are one timers once you think about them.
Original Grits (Barb)
July 24, 2008 @ 8:32 am
Wonderful choices, all. But I haven’t seen Mr. Brooks so now you’ve got me wanting to see it…even though I know the plot, it still sounds compelling. I’d personally throw in “A River Runs Through It”…good the first time but just too time consuming to watch again. Oh, and “The Village” (another M. Knight Shamalan film) for the same reasons as you stated on “The Sixth Sense.”
Kudos!
Sir Robbie Rob
July 24, 2008 @ 8:46 am
I love all of the movies you listed. Most of them are ones I also will never watch again. My exceptions are American History X and What Dreams May Come. American History X was just a great, great movie and Ed Norton is a bad ass. What Dreams May Come is probably the only movie that ever made be cry, like serious bawling. Thankfully I was by myself then, and every other time I watch it.
Metallman
July 24, 2008 @ 10:21 am
Hey there. Great post. How can you not want to watch the 6th Sense again? Dude, I’ve watched the shit out of that movie. lol Each time it comes on, I’ll watch it. I swear it’s on TNT or TBS like every other weekend. American History X is one of favorite movies of all time… and I must say that it’s because of the “crunch”. You don’t actually see the act, but your imagine gets the best of you on that scene. Then the smile on his face and the shrug of the shoulders when looking at Edward Furlong’s character… Man… great scene played out perfectly by Edward Norton.
Gary R. Hess
July 24, 2008 @ 10:47 am
@Original Grits (Barb) Nah I didn’t Mr. Brooks at all. There is still a lot more to the movie. As for the Village, it wasn’t a good enough movie to be on the ‘Kickass Movies’ list.
@Sir Robbie Rob I couldn’t bring myself to watching American History X. I absolutely love that movie, but the beginning makes me sick and I don’t like watching movies only half way through.
@Metallman I don’t see a point in watching a movie like that again. I know the ending and it doesn’t make much sense. I mean, just think about it for a while. It is just really, really odd how Crowe doesn’t know this.
Sassy Mama Bear
July 24, 2008 @ 11:11 am
I agree with the ones that I have seen. a few in there I have not seen yet, and now I am not sure that I will.
Delaney55
July 24, 2008 @ 1:29 pm
I love Mr. Brooks! Yeah you feel bad rooting for the bad guy but Kevin Costner is stellar in playing this part and you love to hate him and his “alter ego”. Dane Cook did a really good job as well. The movie surprised me that it was that good!
The Birdcage is just too funny; putting those two together was a perfect mesh in casting and lots of laughs.
Tony Cathey
July 24, 2008 @ 2:31 pm
I agree with all of those except American History X. I watch it everytime it comes on.
Tony
[edit: no urls please]
Anna
July 24, 2008 @ 4:40 pm
I agree with the ones you’ve seen, though I must admit to watching “The Sixth Sense” and “What Dreams May Come” on multiple occasions. WDMC is excellent if you really want to depress yourself or have a really good cry.
Beamer
July 24, 2008 @ 10:22 pm
Wow, I’m sorry but I thought Mr. Brooks was the biggest pile of fresh doggy poo I had seen in a very long time. There is absolutely no way I could even come close to considering that movie bad ass.
There were plots wholes you could drive a semi truck through.
Beamer
Holly D
July 24, 2008 @ 10:48 pm
I’m just glad you used the word gillion in your post. I think that has to be a real number (and I don’t mean “real number” in the mathematical sense), because there is zero and there is infinity, so there has to be a lot in between that. Ths post really made me laugh. You have a great sense of humor.
Gary R. Hess
July 25, 2008 @ 12:36 am
@Anna I guess you can see why I don’t want to watch WDMC then… I don’t need to cry
@Beamer I enjoyed it. I didn’t like the part about his daughter and thought that was a bit weird… but meh. It was pretty cool… just freaky.
@Holly D Yes it should be a number
And thanks on the sense of humor bit.
EmmaB
July 25, 2008 @ 3:30 am
Great movies, I found What Dreams May Come to be awesome but it made me feel so sad as well. The ending is awesome, where the family is finally able to be together in the end.
Kayla
July 25, 2008 @ 9:47 am
I purchased “What Dreams May Come” so that I would be able to watch it as much as I wanted. In contrast to the majority I actually feel uplifted and inspired by this movie as it fuels my imagination and fills me with hope.
Gary R. Hess
July 25, 2008 @ 12:13 pm
@Kayla I think that means you are a masochist.
Matt Urdan
July 25, 2008 @ 6:22 pm
I agree with you 100% on everything EXCEPT for Pan’s Labyrinth and What Dreams May Come.
Pan’s Labyrinth is an adult faery tale on par with The Lord of the Rings. It’s point is that even though there is gruesome evil in the world, and that sometimes we may not know why it exists, there is still good if we can find our way through the “labyrinth” of evil or the obstacles that stand in the way of happiness. Metaphorically, and literally, this movie shines. The story and the acting and the special effects are compelling, and the screenplay is so original I had never seen anything like it and I really don’t believe we’ll see anything like this again. It’s no wonder it won several Oscars.
What Dreams May Come. Yes, the movie is unbearably sad while it is triumphant if not joyous in the end. But this movie was groundbreaking in terms of special effects and it won an Oscar for those special effects. This movie is art. It is visually arresting on every level and a miraculous achievement. Every time someone mentions this movie, I immediately think of Annabella Sciorra crying at the loss of her husband in front of her canvas, pouring water on the canvas to clear it of the dream tree she had painted and watching that same tree in Heaven with Robin Williams’ character turn old, its leaves turn brown and get blown away as if in fall.
This movie told stories with art. With pictures. With computer animation. With color and with lack of color. Maybe some things about it were cliche, maybe some things about it were too sad to watch. But the musical score was brilliant, and the imagination used in the creation of this film was of such a high level that a world was created that I want to return to over and over again–even if I have to go through hell to get there.
Cheers!
pussreboots
July 26, 2008 @ 7:17 pm
Once was enough for me too with A Clockwork Orange.
moserw
August 16, 2008 @ 10:51 am
Thanks for sharing. New movies for me to check out and form my own opinion about them.